“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison
I've been using the traditional Buddhist compassion meditation for my daily practice this month. Here are some phrases I adapted for the meditation suggested by educator and coach Carley Hauck in her article "How to be more Compassionate at Work at mindful.org.
"May I, you be free from sorrow and pain
May I, you find ease in this struggle
May I, you find peace and healing
May I, you find openness of heart"
You may remember that this meditation is one where we focus our wish for an end to suffering in widening circles beginning with ourselves and moving outward to eventually include all beings.
One particular circle in this meditation that can be challenging for most of us is wishing for an end of suffering for people we don't like and where every encounter with them is difficult. It isn't unusual for us to react with all kinds of judgmental or aggressive strategies. In the end though, those reactive strategies separate us from the actual experience. As we close in around our negative feelings, we are not only blind to the part we play in constructing the story or belief about what's going on, we also can't see the suffering that is informing their reactions to life.
So, how do we find compassion in these situations? I've noticed a couple of aspects that help me. First, if I close in tightly around my own pain, it's not so easy to be kind or compassionate to others. But, when I remember to keep my view and approach to life open and expansive, I can recall that suffering is something we share with every other being - I can remember that you know suffering too.
Another aspect I notice when my suffering is the primary focus of my mind, is that I try to get rid of the overwhelming feeling by throwing it out into the universe and making someone else responsible for my discomfort. That never works. But, again, when I can stay open and aware and remember we all suffer, I'm able to get curious about my own contributions to the suffering I feel and take responsibility for understanding it and being kind and forgiving to myself for less than skillful reactions.
"May I, you be free from sorrow and pain
May I, you find ease in this struggle
May I, you find peace and healing
May I, you find openness of heart"