'Six Kinds of Loneliness' by Pema Chodron

This is an amazing description of the "middle way" where everything is as it is, and it's not a problem.  Click the link for the full article from July, 2000 issue of "Lion's Roar" online magazine.

'Six Kinds of Loneliness'

"As human beings, not only do we seek resolution, but we also feel that we deserve resolution. However, not only do we not deserve resolution, we suffer from resolution. We don’t deserve resolution; we deserve something better than that. We deserve our birthright, which is the middle way, an open state of mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity. To the degree that we’ve been avoiding uncertainty, we’re naturally going to have withdrawal symptoms—withdrawal from always thinking that there’s a problem and that someone, somewhere, needs to fix it."  Pema Chodron

 

Seven Factors of Awakening - Equanimity

"Training in equanimity is learning to open the door to all, welcoming all beings, inviting life to come visit. Of course, as certain guests arrive, we’ll feel fear and aversion. We allow ourselves to open the door just a crack if that’s all that we can presently do, and we allow ourselves to shut the door when necessary. Cultivating equanimity is a work in progress. We aspire to spend our lives training in the loving-kindness and courage that it takes to receive whatever appears—sickness, health, poverty, wealth, sorrow, and joy. We welcome and get to know them all."        

- Pema Chodron

Hello John,   

This week we conclude our discussion of the Seven Factors of Awakening and look at the factor of EQUANIMITY.

As we see from the quote above, EQUANIMITY is about being open to whatever life presents. It's finding a balanced, impartial state between familiar opposites - gain/loss, praise/blame, fame/disrepute, and pleasure/pain.  What can we see and know from a neutral state right in the middle of it all where we don't demand an outcome either way?  What can we see and know when we have intention, curiosity, kindness, compassion and courage to show up and be present for anything?

One mistake we sometimes make is equating EQUANIMITY with indifference. Instead of being fully present and balanced with the way things are, we detach from actual experience and favor apathy or we adopt a "pretend not to care" mask.  Indifference is considered the "near enemy" of equanimity - it poses as balance but it's really ignoring what has actually appeared. We also can be challenged by the "far enemy" of Equanimity that shows up as restlessness or agitation because we're either clinging to how we want things to be or pushing things away that we don't want.

Compassion in Daily Life - Reflections

“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” 

― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison

 

I've been using the traditional Buddhist compassion meditation for my daily practice this month. Here are some phrases I adapted for the meditation suggested by educator and coach Carley Hauck in her article "How to be more Compassionate at Work at mindful.org.

"May I, you be free from sorrow and pain
May I, you find ease in this struggle
May I, you find peace and healing
May I, you find openness of heart"

You may remember that this meditation is one where we focus our wish for an end to suffering in widening circles beginning with ourselves and moving outward to eventually include all beings. 

One particular circle in this meditation that can be challenging for most of us is wishing for an end of suffering for people we don't like and where every encounter with them is difficult. It isn't unusual for us to react with all kinds of judgmental or aggressive strategies.  In the end though, those reactive strategies separate us from the actual experience.  As we close in around our negative feelings, we are not only blind to the part we play in constructing the story or belief about what's going on, we also can't see the suffering that is informing their reactions to life.

So, how do we find compassion in these situations? I've noticed a couple of aspects that help me. First, if I close in tightly around my own pain, it's not so easy to be kind or compassionate to others.  But, when I remember to keep my view and approach to life open and expansive, I can recall that suffering is something we share with every other being - I can remember that you know suffering too.

Another aspect I notice when my suffering is the primary focus of my mind, is that I try to get rid of the overwhelming feeling by throwing it out into the universe and making someone else responsible for my discomfort. That never works. But, again, when I can stay open and aware and remember we all suffer, I'm able to get curious about my own contributions to the suffering I feel and take responsibility for understanding it and being kind and forgiving to myself for less than skillful reactions.

"May I, you be free from sorrow and pain
May I, you find ease in this struggle
May I, you find peace and healing
May I, you find openness of heart"

Meditation and Mindfulness transforming inner experience of inner city children

Sharon Salzberg, weekly blogger for OnBeing.org, shares an experience she had as a guest on the Katie Couric show. It is well worth reading and watching the conversations with an inner city, grass roots organization and how they are using mindfulness meditation and helping to transform the inner experiences of children toward responsiveness instead of reaction.

http://www.onbeing.org/blog/everything-we-do-matters/7602

 


Compassion in Regular Life

Focus for your personal reflections this month

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”  -- Albert Einstein

In thinking about the centrality of "suffering" and the "end of suffering" in the Four Noble Truths there is an understanding that that is also the entry point or gateway to understanding and developing compassion in our lives. What might it look like to use COMPASSION as the focus of your personal reflections over the next few weeks?

Here are some questions to spark your interest, an online compassion exercise and the link to a private online Facebook discussion group I created for sharing your insights, questions and challenges.

1.  Questions for your own reflection:

  • What is compassion?  What does compassion mean to you?
  • What does it take to have compassion in your daily life?
  • What acts of compassion or kindness did you witness in the last day?  How were you involved?

2.  Shifting Toward Compassion: An online exercise from the NY Center for Nonviolent Communication.

  • Use this LINK.  I think this is a powerful tool by Thom Bond that can be used in many situations.  The purpose is to experience a "shift" in what you are thinking about and a shift in how you feel along a "connection continuum." Even though it is online, you'll want to find some uninterrupted time (20-30 minutes) and a couple sheets of paper and something to write with.  

3. Compassion in Regular Life Facebook Discussion Group.

  • I've also created a private Facebook discussion group we can all use to share our reflections and discuss questions that might arise.  You can join the discussion group HERE.

Meditation Practice Focus for August - Compassion in Regular Life

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us the "universe," a part limited in time and space.  He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
-- Albert Einstein

I have decided to focus my own practice this month on compassion and how it can be cultivated in our regular lives. If that interests you too, here are some things to get you started.

1.  Questions for your own reflection:

What is compassion?  What does compassion mean to you?
What does it take to have compassion in your daily life?
What acts of compassion or kindness did you witness in the last day?  How were you involved?

2.  Shifting Toward Compassion: An online exercise 

www.theexercise.org   I think this is a powerful tool by Thom Bond from the NY Center for Nonviolent Communication, that can be used in many situations.  The purpose is to experience a "shift" in what you are thinking about and a shift in how you feel along a "connection continuum." Even though it is online, you'll want to find some uninterrupted time (20-30 minutes) and a couple sheets of paper and something to write with. 

The Fourth Noble Truth - The Path to the End of Suffering

As we recognize there is suffering, dissatisfaction and unreliability in life, we can begin to accept that it is our attachment to and craving after impermanent things that causes our suffering.  We see that the things we hope will bring us stability and happiness just don’t live up to their promise.  Ultimately, we understand that the end of suffering will depend on changing our own states of mind and our views about our experience, not on relying on the impermanent things we desire.  So, how do we begin the work of changing our relationship to the suffering we find in life?

A common analogy used as a model for the Four Noble Truths is that of a physician treating illness.  We recognize the illness is present by the symptoms we experience, we see the cause of the illness and we understand the cure for the illness.  Finally we lay out a path of treatment.  That path, the Fourth Noble Truth, is called the Noble Eightfold Path.

The path, despite it’s name, is not a linear path of increased achievement, but really an interconnected collection of steps the we cultivate in the areas of conduct, mental development and wisdom.  We’ll briefly look at each of the steps:  Right Speech, Right Action and Right Livelihood (Good Conduct); Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration (Mental Development); Right Attitude and Right View (Wisdom).